i live
so, several days later...

(this is patrick, as lack of capital letters will suggest.)

what happened

went ice skating for kid birthday. dude started out - bud had no socks, so damsel ran to get socks, as we were in west ed mall at indoor rink. took dude around rink a couple times, then swung him back in. bud very ready to get onto ice ("hockey hockey hockey!") Damsel's skates not yet on. grabbed bud to take him around.

alternated between crouching while bud flailed on ice and carrying bud while skating. experience of ice not what bud had hoped, very cranky with slippery factor. decided to skate rest of way, cutting across middle rather than sticking to wall.

got to middle before fall. not sure why. think it was minor balance issue that i'd have corrected for had not been carrying bud, who added 25 pounds to top of body. horrible skater, but good balance.

saw that fall was going to bring bud down hard, so twisted to come down on left, not right. had moment of success as bud landed on butt. then hit hard on left side. left arm outstretched as part of twist, and hit with, it felt like, armpit. i know. not actually possible to lead with armpit. still felt that way. not even pain as much as pop, shock.

bud didn't cry -- too surprised. said vague comforting stuff, tried to roll over and get him off ice, realized immediately that arm did not work. no lifting. managed somehow to get bud up in right arm, get to wall. signalled for help. vicki loh came over to get bud (wow, she and kevin are good skaters) and i, now with free arm, went along wall to get out.

damsel wanted me to go to er. took five to see how i was doing, realized how much i could not move arm, agreed. mom (in town for buds bday) watched bys at party while damsel tookme to hospital near west ed.

er experience good. evidently looked very injured. walked in, nurse said, you sit over here, we'll get you someone fast. shoulder worse at this point.

cranky 20-something in softball uniform came in shortly after. clearly thought she should be at front of line. nurse asked if she were there to visit someone. guilty pleasure on my part.

er was fast. whizzed through. damsel says i was gray, which had to help. nurse (nice, got me ice), then doctor (brusque, didn't help me take off shirt), then x-rays just ahead of softball girl (ha!), then doc. confirmed broken shoulder, said would forward to ortho, sent me home with tylenol-3.

mom handled boys, as did other awesome folks at party. damsel did most talking at er. ended up gaving to channel memory of old martial arts teacher to pee. (think of what i needed to do, do it, plan steps)

sunday night

tylenol-3 soothing, effective at taking edge off. dry, bitter aftertaste, but very full-bodied painkiller.

surgery day

got call next morning (slept downstairs in heartburn chair) to come in for surgery. odd miscommunication -- er docs implied orthos would give more detailed info, while orthos just went, "yeah, come on in for surgery asap, and don't eat anything," which stung a bit given that damsel had just brought me fresh scones.

damsel drove me to ortho hospital in st albert. then sat awhile. then was friendly to intake person and subsequently got private room. eventually went into pre-op still with no idea what was going on. everyone still seemed to think someone else had given info, and damsel took "we don't discuss specifics until pre-op, and not with spouse," well. iv seemed uncomfortable at time, but i would later learn about far less comfortable things.

very intense doc told me about surgery. recognized patter designed to get fear so that i'd agree to planned surgery, didn't really care. arm broken, part of shoulder went down into broken area. plates and screws and life changes.

had to climb from gurney thing onto op table. awkward and painful. was told others had not done so well. yay me.

wham anesthetic

woke up while wheeling into room. everyone said it went fine. damsel agitated. learned later it went long and didn't have info for her on why. tried to reassure damsel. she says i was very cute. answered question, caught her laugh, asked if i had just answered something she asked a half hour agi. she said yes, and then, a short time later, i asked "really?" in embarrassment.

long night

many good nurses. one bad one.

told to drink lots of water so i can pee. threat of catheter used to show iimportance of peeing. i drink a crapton of water. then morphine makes me puke up all the water. complete failure to pee.

morphine: strong and effective, the man's man of painkillers. since it made me puke up water, i will not be returning to it.

in morning, i receive a catheter. after i remove my pants, rubber tube stuck up my urethra by two attractive blond nurses, one of whom has a nose ring. a bit like starring in porn for a fetish you don't share.

one of good nurses talks with me about things instead of morphine. gives me percocet instead. awesome. people talk about going weird, and i sort of do, but it's not like i thought it would be. not intrusive acid trip. instead, when i close my eyes and do what i normally do to sleep -- relax and free associate -- i get vivid image of antique store filled with thousands of frogs with pennies stuck on their backs, and as they all ribbit, it makes a coppery shimmer of light go across the room from the way the pennies catch the light.usually, you know, feathers, snowflakes, leaves blowing in wind. frogs with pennies on their backs? less common.

after catheter, am able to pee. have to pee (very painful thanks to catheter and removal of same). have to pee into measuring bucket so output and intake can be compared.

doc comes in, gives intense pep talk. physio person comes in, gives exercises. good nurse comes in, changes my dressings. very particular, has to be done as doc requested. hurts like hell.

later, bad nurse comes in, insists dressings are wrong. ignores my "but doc specifically said" with reassurances that this willl be better. refuses to call doc or good nurse. hurts like hell again. also patronizing. most people know how well i react to that. later, damsel chews herr ass out.

home tuesday night. damsel near tears from stress, than caught by speed trap. has to pull off onto gravel to get ticket, hurts my shoulder, she bursts into tears.

now
home since tuesday night. have watched many eps of bones. started watching listener (meh) and mentalist (ooh) and caught ghost rider and under siege, both awesome in their badness.

down to normal ibuprofen. both perc and ty-3 started making me dizzy, nauseous. up periods of wanting to go into work followed by pain and shiverweakness.pissed off at feeling disgusting. get weak attacks near planned wash times.

hanging in. still kind of sucks. wanted to be better by now. still, normal drugs after plate in shoulder three days ago not bad.

all i can think of. thanks to jamie for watching boys and jenny for shopping and cookie for taking mom to airport and mom for staying two extra days and everyone at work for covering for damsel and me. leaning on a lot of people right now.