So, in non-Dragon-Age news, Maine.

Okay. I am the stereotypical straight-married guy who has gay friends. I know that a lot of people are hurting right now, and holy god, seeing rights stripped away like that is terrifying. It breaks my heart to see my friends shake their heads and realize that one more state doesn't think that their love matters or doesn't believe that they are really people and citizens. So to all of you, please accept my sympathy and my good wishes.

Now, with that out of the way... Maine. Hi. Hello. Maine, I'm talking to you.

You contemptible bunch of buffoons.

I'm sure somewhere people are talking about the majority speaking. I agree with them. The majority has spoken. The majority of the tiny fraction of people in Maine who voted want to strip away the rights of gay people to marry. The majority was also not hugely in favor of desegregation, either. The plural of voter was often "lynch mob" back in the good ol' days. Segregation wasn't ended with a series of friendly votes in which people realized that they were being lied to by rich bastards and old churches and hate-filled bigots. It was ended when the National Guard showed up on the front steps.

Did you actually think that this was your chance to make gay marriage not happen? Did you look at the whole of human history and actually think that, you ignorant bigots?

This was your chance to accept progress with pride. To show history that you were moving forward.

And you blew it.

I don't think it'll be Obama -- he seems more concerned with healthcare, and I sense that he doesn't want to fight a battle of public opinion on multiple fronts. I don't know who it'll be. But it'll be someone. Someone in power is finally going to state the obvious truth that gay marriage is absolutely necessary, and they're not going to put it up for a vote, because that's not what you do with basic human rights. You don't let six wolves and four sheep vote on what to have for dinner (or in this case, what, fifty-two wolves and forty-eight sheep?).

The National Guard will stand outside the courthouses and force you to grow the hell up, and you will be remembered in history like those sad ugly white people yelling at the black kids coming to class.

And this isn't the fifties. This is the twenty-first century. Your bisexual grandkids will still be able to Google your sorry ass and see that you were a spiteful hateful closeminded bigot. They'll have your lying ads, annotated with footnotes showing how you knew you were lying at the time. They'll have your ugly homophobic comments and your hate-filled fake news reports captured in crystal clarity on whatever magical Internet++ they're using decades from now. And they're going to be ashamed of you.

All you've done -- all you've accomplished with your lies and hate and fearmongering -- is to delay the inevitable. In the next few years, every widow who loses her home because she "wasn't really married" to her life partner, and the life partner's kids have a good lawyer? Every man who dies scared and alone because the man who should have been his husband wasn't allowed to be at his bedside? Every not-spouse who dies because of not-health-coverage, coverage they would have gotten were they married? Every one of those things that happens between now and whenever the National Guard puts a little learnin' on you? That's on you. That's your legacy.

(And unlike a lot of liberals, I'm still a believer. I believe in an afterlife just as much as you do, you Bible-thumping snake-oil salesmen. And I don't envy you when you step up to St. Peter for whatever metaphorical accounting for one's life you have to do.)

Hell and the National Guard. That's what you've got coming. That's all you've got coming.

You pathetic irrelevant throwbacks.

EDIT: After getting a brave anonymous comment from someone who thought using the term "lynch mob" to describe an angry post on the Internet reacting to a situation in which actual literal lynch mobs are a possibility was a good idea and in no way self-Godwinizing, I've disabled anonymous comments. Anyone who wants to come rant at my intolerance for people stripping others of their basic human rights can do so with a username, and years from now, their kids will be able to Google them and see what they said.